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Bubble Baths Are Boring. Have You Tried Using an Onion Instead? I guess I’ll just start this article by saying that if you want to luxuriate in a homemade milk bath, using half and half is a bit much. I rarely have half and half in the house because of a debilitating dairy allergy that I’m pretty sure I made up, but I found a carton spoiling in my fridge next to some riced cauliflower (literally so dumb, but we’ll talk about that another time) and a quarter of a lemon from June, so I went for it. I was attempting a soothing milk bath because I read once on the internet that the mild lactic acid in milk helps with itchy skin. You see, I had been reading the new Patty Hearst biography in the park at dusk, and time simply got away from me as the mosquitos coyly started kissing my feet and ankles. I’m constantly bathing in gross things like milk, and I do it so you don’t have to. Read on. Another note: adding almond milk to a half-and-half bath is not going to correct the experience, even if it’s the Barista Blend kind. Milk Bath By the time I extricated myself from my thickened dairy and carrageenan-free (that’s how most people attempt to pronounce my last name) nut milk bath, I wasn’t any better. In fact, my resolve had curdled and soured, like so many gallons of skim milk down the kitchen drain after you’ve been away for a long weekend. I wasn’t in the right headspace to try again for a soothing milk bath that night. Around 9 a.m. the next morning, though, I headed to the grocery store by my apartment and bought a thing of 2%, an onion (for later, grosser bathing — stay deeply tuned), and duct tape to remedy a TV stand-breaking incident that occurred while trying to install shelves with a comedone extractor instead of a screw driver. I made that very funny joke that people do when they’re buying three seemingly unrelated objects: I was all, “Big party later!” The cashier didn’t laugh, but then, I suppose my heart wasn’t really in it. I was already behind on my deadline for this story due to a debilitating bout of food poisoning on a family vacation a few days earlier (I blame either the ahi tuna I consumed on a 95 degree day, or a cosmic reckoning), so I got to work. I worried that my bathtub smelled sour from the night before’s dairy experiment, and then once I was conscious of it, it was all I could think about. My legs still itched from the bites, so I carried on. I built a makeshift bathtub-desk out of a serving platter and some books (I don’t even need to say this, but, like, don’t bring your computer into the bathtub; I am a professional. I have a diploma in this. It’s hung above my toilet), and then I got to soaking and typing. Literally the longest story I’ve ever told, about bathing, short: this works for irritated skin. The lactic acid is a mild enough alpha hydroxy acid that one’s skin is left supple and moisturized. But is it worth it? Well, I was being paid to do it, so yes, I guess, but not even, really. Onion Bath Sands through the hour glass, onion skins through the tub drain. Here I was, mere hours after my milk bath, making myself into Girl Soup! That is, I steeped my own little carcass with an onion to make myself into a living, breathing, whining bouillon. I read about this trick on a scabies forum. (They get huge traffic — edging into Man Repeller territory). I’m fortunate enough to not have scabies, but I do get frequent ingrown hairs, and I thought I’d adapt the recipe to my needs. Cooking should be fun! When cut, onions release a sulphuric acid. Sulphuric acid can kill bacteria. It’s why many acne-fighting products are comprised of a low-percent sulphur, like this Mario Badescu one I’ve been using ever since The OC’s Samaire Armstrong, at the height (?) of her fame, told a magazine she used it. So I sliced the onions using the precise knife skills I teach myself while on writing breaks throughout the day. (Perhaps you’ve gleaned this much from me in our short time together: I watch a lot of tutorials.) Anyway, this was pointless. Also horrible to clean up. In less than 12 hours, I had anointed my bath with half and half, almond milk, 2% milk, and onions. I also threw a clove of garlic in the onion bath because it made me laugh, and it has antibacterial properties (sometimes I stick one in my ear when I have an infection!). Alas, my phone was in the other room, soaking in a bag of rice after I dropped it in the first bath, and I couldn’t snap a photo.
How To Go To Bed Earlier I’m still in the process of trying, and these are the things that work: 1) Melatonin and drugs and couch medicine, apparently, but I don’t touch that stuff. I once took a quarter of a Klonopin because I seriously thought my body was going to abduct itself (fun ’bout of anxiety) and my friend had to Weekend-at-Bernie’s me around. So I can’t speak to this. 2) Be a strict mom and put a screen ban on yourself two hours before your intended bed time. Two because everyone knows it takes an hour after you say you’re done to actually be done. (But if you can truly do two, it’s that much more *restorative.* Three is straight up saintly.) Screens include televisions, in case you forgot. And yes this includes Kindles. Sure they have non-disruptive screens or whatever; yes there are apps for your phone but don’t create excuses! It’s a gateway drug. Buy cheap, used paperback books on Amazon or rent from your local library until you can be trusted. 3) Notify all friends, family, loved ones and necessary parties that you are going dark from here on out at X time every night so that you avoid waking up to texts like, “Are you alive?” 4) Make a curfew for yourself to be home, and make it at least one hour before you shut your screen off. Now make it mandatory. It’s crazy what a concrete excuse can do when it comes to getting out of…literally anything. “Sorry, I can’t. If I get home after 9:30 my self grounds me.” 5) If you have a mattress partner, get them on your sched. They’ll be relieved because everyone wants to go to bed earlier. You will not succeed if they are stay-up enablers. 6) Keep a pad of paper next to your bed with a pen. Any time you have a “to-do” pop into your head, write it down. You can’t do it now anyway so no use stressing your sleep hours away, right? Right. This takes practice but it helps. 7) You know what else is a nice, relaxing, sleep-inducing activity? Journaling. Keep it short and sweet. 8) Drink a cup of tea. That’s what your mom would say! 9) Create a nighttime ritual that you genuinely look forward to. I’m about to sound like a ~*ladiez magazine*~ for a second but this works: make an evening playlist the next time you have 20 minutes to focus on it. Then play it. Light a candle that doesn’t make you choke or sneeze. Do a four-step face routine. Try a few yoga moves. Find your routine and then make it a true habit. Like story time does with toddler, this will signal to your brain and body that it’s almost time for bed. 10) Read, but maybe not The Girls. Nothing that gets you jazzed! Choose a book that you’ve always been meaning to read — the one you lie about and say you have read just because everyone always references it. Again, you cannot be trusted! No mercy. Read the jazzy book before work — this post said nothing about being on time for the day.
The Horrifying Reason You Should Never Wear Hair Elastics Around Your Wrist For decades now, we've been wearing hair ties on our wrists. Not only is this the most convenient method, but it's also the only way we can keep ourselves from losing them — otherwise, the darn things just disappear. But one Kentucky woman's harrowing tale may cause you to reconsider this accessory altogether. According to WLKY, Louisville local Audree Kopp noticed a bump on her wrist growing bigger and bigger. Though she was prescribed a course of antibiotics from her doctor, it continued to enlarge and become inflamed, so she went to the emergency room. It was there that she learned her glittery hair tie had caused three kinds of infections in her wrist. Dr. Amit Gupta at Norton Healthcare, who immediately performed surgery on Audree, believes that bacteria from the difficult-to-clean accessory entered her skin through pores and hair follicles. If she hadn't visited the emergency room when she did, the infection could have turned into sepsis, a life-threatening condition caused by bacteria in the bloodstream. "People have been known to go into a coma, your body shuts down," Audree explained. "It could have been way worse." We already knew that there is the small (but terrifying!) possibility of being paralyzed by a dirty makeup brush, but this story is somehow even scarier. Germs hiding in gunky brushes are a given, but we never expected them to be in our innocuous hair ties. Maybe it's for the best that they get lost when we're not wearing them – they have the potential to cause serious harm.
This 10-Second Test Will Tell You How Healthy Your Hair Is Subscribe Do you actually know how healthy your hair is? Well, the answer is closer than you'd think. Try this to find out if your locks are in tip-top shape or if they need a little extra loving: Pluck a clean strand and drop it in an eight-ounce glass of water. If it floats, your hair is in good condition. If it sinks, you've got "high porosity" issues. The reason it plunges is because water is able to push through the cuticle, leading to frizz and quickly fading color (color molecules escape more quickly from porous strands). To combat this, use a weekly hydrating mask with amino and fatty lipids, which will bolster your hair's outer layers, keeping your strands smooth and your shade on lockdown.
How to choose lipstic? Lipstick, like clothing, has become seasonless-matching your own coloring is the goal now. Roughly, cooler tones (those on the bluer end of the spectrum) work better for fairer skin, and warmer tones (those closer to red and orange) work best for darker tones like Jessica Alba's olive complexion.
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